


My Light When It's Dark

by LunarK9



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A bit of a fight but not really, Affection, Anxiety, Captain Levi, Comfort, Dealing with mental illness/issues, Fluff, Gen, Gentle, Hugging, Inner Struggle, Kissing, Levi Ackerman - Freeform, Levi is Husband, Lieutenant Reader, Love, Mental, Other, PTSD, Romance, Scout Regiment, Soft Love, Tea, Tenderness, Warm Fuzzies, feel good, husband/wife, light read, married, pretty words, sfw, soft, soft Levi, soothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:09:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25679404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarK9/pseuds/LunarK9
Summary: WARNING: This work deals with PTSD and anxiety. It is meant to be a comfort fiction, but these topics are heavy to bring up. Please take care in reading!(SFW) The reader wakes up from a nightmare and Levi does everything in his power to comfort the reader.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader
Kudos: 19





	My Light When It's Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello beautiful reader :)  
> This was a story I made on a whim today because I am currently dealing with the hardest PTSD episode that I have had in a long time. For me, Levi has always been a husbando that I felt would do really well with dealing in matters of PTSD and anxiety and depression. This was spur of the moment and there is a NSFW version that I will be posting after this one. I wrote two different versions because I don't think there would be many people who would want sexy times after a bad bout of a mental battle. This one is SFW and my first ever posted comfort work. For anyone who suffers from any mental illness of any kind, and for anyone who is struggling, I truly hope this brings you some form of comfort and solace.  
> I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors or if this work is not as good as my others. I'm a litte hesitant to write about Levi but I hope that you all love it nonetheless.  
> And as always, I love all of your beautiful faces and truly cannot thank you enough for your constant love and support.  
> All of my love to you always,  
> The Author

I woke with a start. I heaved in oxygen, trying to gasp for any breath of fresh air I could. The soft glow of the full moon shone into the windows, giving the shadows of the darkness some light. I lifted shaking hands to my face to wipe off the sweat, licking my dry lips. I must have been crying in my sleep as I tasted salt on my mouth. I closed my eyes, breathing in deeply and exhaling even deeper. My body shook as I clutched the cotton sheets on the bed. I opened my eyes, forcing myself to see the room around me.

My body shook harder as I looked around the room. I looked at the cabinet in the corner of the bare room. I took in the dark wood, counting that there were two doors for entry. I noticed the round brass knobs, the metal weary with use. My eyes moved to the small vanity to my right, next to the shut door. It was also wooden, with intricately carved moonflowers around the mirror. I followed the vines down to where the flat surface held my personal belongings. A few family heirlooms and some trinkets decorated it, along with some hygienic products. I looked at the two drawers, the knobs themselves crafted into the form of small moonflower blooms. I didn't have a chair for the vanity, so I usually brought the one from the guest room to use. My pounding heart eased as my tired eyes moved to my husband lying next to me. His soft snores reached my ears as I watched his bare chest rise and fall. His pale face looked peaceful as he slept. I lifted a shaking hand, moving to stroke his black locks shielding part of his visage. He breathed deeply, and I hesitated. As he exhaled, I slowly pulled my hand back, deciding to let him sleep. He had been on watch duty for the past few nights. Considering the rising tension in the inner cities, he needed all of the rest he could get.

I silently pulled the sheets away from my body and slowly swung my legs over the side of the bed. I hissed silently as the leather of my thigh knife holster burned my skin. I ran my fingers underneath it, unsticking the straps from my sweaty skin. 

My naturally quiet steps allowed me to sneak out the bedroom door and down the stairs to the kitchen. I focused on the sensation of the smooth wooden railing beneath my hand as I made my way down. I pulled my cotton long sleeve shirt away from my body, feeling the wet spot where my sweat had drenched it. 

I exited the stairs, making slow steps towards the kitchen. Moving around, having something to do… it always helped my heart ease when I had bad nightmares. 

It had only been three years since I had lost her. 

"Only…" I scoffed at myself. I walked into the kitchen, aiming for the cabinets. I grabbed myself a glass cup from the bottom cabinet and set it on the granite countertop. I looked around for the water pitcher. The large floor to ceiling windows snagged my attention as I noticed how the lovely moonlight floated into the dining room. This home was truly beautiful… I never thought it suited Levi's style or taste at first. Being able to see the greenery outside the windows, feeling the openness of the atmosphere… seeing this home for the first time was an overwhelming experience after staying in the small dormitories for the Scouts. I sighed, smiling to myself. It had been a couple of years but the fact that Levi and I had been married still felt like a dream: a dream that had come true. 

The chaos of the Titans re-emerging and the political state of the cities teetering on collapse made the world too terribly real. I had joined the Scout Regiment as soon as I was able. Many of my friends thought I would be more suited to the Military Police Regiment, perhaps being chosen for espionnage. My accomplishments and titles during training and combat spoke for themselves, but I didn't want to be stuck inside the Wall anymore. I needed, desired freedom. I was already stuck in my own head… especially after…

A hand grasped my shoulder and I gasped, the water glass slipping from my fingers. I whirled around, pulling my knife from my holster, ensuring the blade was pointed downwards. Adrenaline rushed through my blood as my focus honed in on defense. A strong arm stopped my arm and I dropped the blade to the ground. I caught the handle with ease in my other hand and swiped it into the air. Feeling that it hadn't made contact, I grunted as I swiped at my assailant once more. I cried out in pain as the knife was kicked from my hand. Hands grabbed my shoulders tightly, shaking me. A low baritone voice reached my ears in a quiet plea.

"Y/N…"

My throat closed up and my eyes began burning as I realized it was Levi. His burning grey-blue eyes were piercing my face as he looked at me. He loosened his grip on my shoulders, moving his hands to cup my face. I leaned into the touch, closing my eyes as silent tears streaked down my face. Levi leaned in and pressed gentle kisses against my burning cheeks. 

"My love… I heard you wake up earlier… is… everything alright?" He asked. I opened my eyes as I lifted my hands to cover his own. His face was stoic, but the concern in his eyes was apparent as he waited for my response. I mulled over what I should say in my head for a moment. Levi sighed, his face falling slightly. I felt my lip quiver as I held back the impulse to sob aloud. He pulled me into his bare chest, using gentle force to wrap my arms around his waist. He wrapped his own arms around me, squeezing gently. I began shaking as I cried quietly. I felt him nuzzle his face into my hair, kissing my head softly while a hand stroked my hair. I hugged him tighter as I let myself cry. 

"Another nightmare?" He whispered, his bass voice echoing against my chest. I nodded carefully. 

"It was about her again?" 

Another gentle nod. 

Levi breathes in deeply with a slight tone of sadness in his manner.

"I'm sorry, my love. And I am sorry for frightening you… I… I tried not to…" Levi said in a low voice. His grip became noticibly tighter as he embraced me. 

I shook my head, saying, "No, dear, it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. I appreciate you trying, honest. I guess sometimes I'm just a little more jumpy from time to time."

Remembering that I had almost attacked him, I quickly pulled back. I sniffled as I ran my hands over his body, looking for any sign of damage.

"Are you hurt? I'm so sorry, it was just instinct, I really hope I didn't cut you!" My words were hurried and out of breath, panicking at the thought of hurting the person I loved most.

Levi's hands grasped my own gently, stopping their search for harm. I looked up at him, wide-eyed. The adrenaline in my system was overflowing. My lungs felt like there was barbed wire wrapping around them. 

"Y/N… you didn't hurt me, I promise." 

I sobbed as I felt my knees buckled underneath me in relief. Levi moved his hands to my face, bringing his lips to my own. His kiss was passionate and slow. The subtle force behind the motions was more to draw my attention in on one thing than it was to domineer. I rested my hands on his chest as our tongues danced. The kiss broke naturally, Levi tilting his head to the side as he searched my face. It was a silent question. I smiled gently, bringing the palm of his hand to my lips. 

"I'll be okay… I just wanted to get some water. I'm… I'm sorry for waking you up," I said softly. Guilt swelled in my chest as I released my hold on him. I turned and kneeled on the ground to pick up the pieces of glass decorating the floor. I reprimanded myself for not thinking before acting. I could have truly hurt him if I had taken a moment to use logic. My heart shattered just imagining what would have happened if…

My thoughts were interrupted as Levi's hands appeared underneath my armpits, lifting me up to stand. I did as he had signaled and rose to my feet. The ground disappeared from beneath me as he cradled my knees and lifted me into his arms. I hooked my arms around his neck as he carried me out of the kitchen. I let my head rest in the crook of his neck, feeling his gentle heartbeat. The rhythm brought a sense of calm to my body, easing the shaking nerves. I felt him press gentle kisses to my head as we crossed the landing into the bedroom. I wiped the tears away with my sleeves as we approached the bed. He set me down with heartbreaking gentleness. I instinctively laid on my side, curling my knees into my chest. He brought the sheet up to cover me. He leaned over me, nuzzling my face with his nose. I turned my head slightly, letting him kiss me. 

"Stay here, my love. I'll clean up the mess and make you and I some tea. Try to relax," he said. His cool baritone voice floated through me, causing goosebumps to flood my skin. He stood up and stroked his long fingers against my face. I pressed a kiss to them and he gave me a small smile. I watched as he gracefully made his way out of the bedroom, latching the door behind him. 

"Y/N."

My eyes fluttered open to see Levi standing next to the bed, two cups of steaming tea in his hands. My body felt heavy as I raised myself up and moved myself to make some room for him to sit down. As Levi sat down, I sat myself up, leaning against the pillows. Once I had myself situated, Levi held out the cup of tea for me to grab. As my fingers wrapped around the ceramic cup, Levi leaned in and placed another kiss to my lips. I pulled away and gave him a small smile. 

"Thank you, dear."

He nodded, his face stoic. He watched me carefully as I breathed in the aroma of the tea, bringing it to my lips. I felt my muscles relax as I sipped the hot beverage. The scent of jasmine green tea filled my senses. I moaned softly at the cup of comfort and rested my hands in my lap carefully. I looked at Levi as he drank from his cup. He sat cross-legged next to me, silent as he sipped from his cup. I couldn't help the amused smile as I noticed the way he held the cup. He faced forward, his eyes full of quiet contemplation. I moved my head to face forward, taking another sip of my tea. The heat spread across my tongue, easing down my throat. Levi placed a hand on my leg, his thumb stroking my bare skin. 

The corner of my mouth tugged upwards. Sometimes it was astonishing how gentle and kind Levi could be. I wasn't aware if he showed this side of himself to others or not, but it was puzzling from time to time. The most lethal officer in Paradis was also the most loving and passionate human being I had ever known. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" His smooth voice caught my attention, pulling me from my daydream. I breathed deeply and shook my head. I turned my head towards him to find his soft gaze on me. 

"No… there's… there's not much to talk about. It's always the same… I think the stress of everything just brought everything to the surface…" I replied, sipping from my cup. I moved a hand to stroke his. His fingers captured my own, intertwining the pair of hands. He nodded his head, blinking slowly. 

"I'm sorry that I… can't ease your pain, my love."

I halted my drinking movements and gave him a questioning look. His face remained unmoving as his eyes flashed with silent anger. 

"It breaks my heart, Lieutenant, to see you in agony… mentally, physically, or otherwise. Any pain you feel… it's as if I also feel it, just by looking at you."

I drained my cup of tea and leaned over the side of the bed to place it on the floor. 

"Of all of the things I have ever fought in my existence, I have never wanted to conquer something more than your pain," he said softly, bowing his head. I shifted on the bed, facing my body in his direction. I took his hand in both of mine, grasping it gently. He squeezed them lightly. I brought his knuckles up to my lips, pressing gentle kisses against his fingers.

"Levi…"

I felt his gaze beneath his covered face. His dark hair covered his face, shielding his eyes from my view. I could feel his shame flowing from his body as he remained still.

"Darling… you are doing everything you can for me. And I can't put into words how amazing you are for even taking the effort to help me fight my battles. As much as I try to keep my burdens to myself, the fact that you are willing to let me share them is more valuable than anything else. You listen to me… you bring me tea and hold me until the episode passes. And even if the episodes last for longer, you stay by my side and you make sure that I keep my focus on other things. You give me constructive tasks and have the most patience with me…"

Levi clicked his tongue and brought his cup to his face. I frowned and moved to grab his face gently. Gentle surprise lit up his face as I forced him to look into my eyes. 

"You have more than helped me fight my battles, Levi. You have saved me more times than I can count on my fingers and toes," I said, my tone urgent and sincere. Our breaths filled the silence as we gazed into each other's eyes. The intensity filled the room as our faces grew closer. I watched as Levi licked his lips, his eyes switching from guilt to desire. 

"You, husband, have saved me so much. And I cannot ever, ever repay you for all of your love and patience with me during this time," I said softly. I felt my chest rise and fall rapidly, my eyes pleading Levi to accept my words. He looked downwards, nodding. He grabbed one of my hands and pressed a kiss into my palm. I smiled at him, and his face cracked into his own beautiful smile. My heart melted in my chest at the beauty of it. It was rare that Levi smiled, but when he did, it always made my whole body light up.

He leaned over the side of the bed, placing his cup quietly on the floor. He moved himself to face me, his legs still crossed. He wrapped his hand around my neck as I still held his other in my hands. He pressed our foreheads together as his fingers massaged the back of my neck. I felt his breath hit my mouth as he spoke softly.

"Y/N… my only love, my only heart and desire… my Lieutenant… I love you more than my own life, more than I can put into words. It… makes me feel at ease to know that I have been able to help in some small way or another. If I could destroy your pain and bring some comfort into your life, I will do everything it takes."

The passion in his words made my heart thunder in my chest. I nuzzled against him gently, feeling the overwhelming sense of love fill me. 

"I swear on my life that I will never let you suffer alone as I did once. We have all been through so much. And though you say I have saved you, I believe truly that you, Lieutenant, are the one who saved me first. Your love, compassion, drive, and desire is what made me the person I am today. I know we both have our own battles to fight… but I will always fight them with you."

Tears began forming at the corner of my eyes as I lifted my hand to stroke his cheek, pushing back the strands of black hair behind his ear. The burning intensity in his gaze brought me closer to him, our lips barely touching. 

"And I will always be by your side, my Captain, no matter what form of battle you face. I will always be by your side, until the very end," I whispered. Levi's lips met mine, the passion igniting between the two of us. Fire tore through me as his tongue claimed my mouth, pulling low moans from me. I felt his arms wrap around me. He pulled me into his lap as our lips remained locked. We both fell sideways gently, intertwining our limbs. I was breathless as the kiss broke. Levi nuzzled his face in my hair, squeezing me tightly. 

"I love you, Y/N. I would give my last breath for you, especially if it meant seeing that beautiful smile on your gorgeous face. I will never leave your side for as long as my heart still beats. It only beats for you. And no matter what we face in this life, we will always have each other. No pain, no torture of any sort will ever break us apart. I would destroy this Earth before seeing you crumble underneath your pain. I will fight it with you, help make you stronger than you were before. And I am so incredibly proud of how far you come. You remain strong with your chin up. With every challenge, you face it with ferocity and courage. I only hope that I amplify those qualities within you. I will always be here by your side, through darkness and through light."

Levi kissed away my tears as we settled more into our embrace. I let my eyes close slowly, listening to Levi's breaths. A sense of security washed through me as his arms squeezed tighter around me. I let the rhythm of his steady heartbeat lull me to sleep. I whispered to him softly as I felt myself begin to drift off to sleep. 

"I love you, Levi. And thank you for everything. This dark world is so much brighter with you, my Captain."


End file.
